A Perfectly Reasonable Letter from Your Emotionally Abusive Boyfriend

Unfortunately inspired by real events.

Dear Meg,

It looks like you’ll be working late tonight as you seem to do every night now, so we won’t get to address this matter in person. However, this is something I need to bring to your immediate attention. The very young and attractive couple’s therapist that I picked out says that you are bad at communication. I have to agree with her in the way you handled this situation regarding my birthday gift of a brand new PlayStation game.

This morning, you said the package “might” be at the post office. Like a fool, I went all the way down the block to the post office to get there before closing. I had to get dressed. I couldn’t find my favorite belt, which I suspect you lost in the laundry. I had to wait behind an old couple who smelled like cheese. I got all the way up to the counter and they said not only was the package NOT there, but it won’t be arriving until February 1st.

February 1st!

Do you even READ tracking numbers? Do you not understand how they function?! I get that you work 70 hours a week in a hot sweaty kitchen so you might not have had the time or even enough light to look up the 18-character number and find its corresponding location, but if you could have it would have saved me a whole lot of trouble.

I don’t know if you can imagine what it was like for me to drive all the way back to our apartment in the cold carrying that heavy weight of disappointment.

I had to go from thinking I would have a new PlayStation game to play when I got home, to facing the fact that I was just going to have to choose, again, from all the 47 games I already own. I don’t know if this is all some sort of sick joke to you, but this is my life and I don’t appreciate being psychologically toyed with.

In your defense, you said you did intend this as a birthday gift. I’m not entirely sure why you didn’t choose 2-day shipping so that it would arrive in a timely fashion, but I digress. I’m aware that I didn’t remember your birthday this year or get you anything, and I may have thrown a small tantrum three days later when you mentioned how much you liked the sweater that you got from your mother, but it felt like you were attacking me and I was under a lot of pressure that day and that attack was the last thing I needed.

Our therapist says it’s very important that I get my rest and do activities I like so that I can feel positive and confident enough to begin to look for a job, so that I can start to pay back the six months of rent I owe you. Plus, my share of utilities. Don’t you want that? Don’t you? Then you should really start prioritizing my happiness and rest.

On that note, when you are doing the dishes in the morning, could you try to be a little quieter? I don’t know why you need to use so many dishes when you cook those elaborate meals, it creates so much extra cleaning time and noise. Plus, I’m pretty sure that the chicken coconut curry with homemade naan bread that you made contained gluten, and you know I’m sensitive to gluten. I almost wonder if you choose these meals purposely so that I can’t enjoy them fully.

Another thing that would help me rest is if you would stop pressuring me for sex. I know you haven’t asked for it specifically in the past five months, but every night I still feel that pressure looming. Not all couples have sex, you know. Maybe if you let me feel supported and like a man I could perform better in that department.

You know who’s good at making me feel like a man? Trina and Dixie, the 18 year olds I message on PlayStation live. Not to tug at your heartstrings or anything, but I was really looking forward to impressing them on Twitch tonight with this new game.

If there are any topics that you don’t understand in this letter, just ask. In summary, I’m feeling very victimized by this entire PlayStation situation and I think it would be nice if for just once you could think about MY needs.

Your boyfriend,

Steve

P.S. If there are any gluten-free leftovers from your cooking, feel free to leave them heating in the crock pot. I’ve gone to bed early to cope with the stress of this day.

Advertisements

3 Comments Add yours

    1. Liz Lora says:

      Thank you!! 😀

      Like

      1. No problem 🙂 check out my blog when you get the chance 😁

        Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s